Latest from the Gaffer

Back in the bootroom, the Gaffer has been demanding 110%. Natch. Most recently, we've explained what a "zonal marking" is; downloaded the latest filth from the Inside Man's floppy disk of x-rated gossip; stopped by Gary Mabbutt's gaff for a lie-down on his couch; and worked out how to make a killing on the superinjunctions market. Go get some.

Gafferlicious

Remember Euro 96? Baddiel and Skinner. Karel Poborsky. Gazza and his dentist's chair celebration. Find out more about the latter here.

Secondly, a bit more Mabbutt, to help keep the demons at bay. And the latest richly imagined, culturally nuanced, stereotype demolishing round-up: this week from France.

Things on the internet

A few hot Gaffer links to keep you warm through the winter months: Gary Mabbutt has some advice for two more troubled young men; our betting columnist is back with a few seasonal tips; and find out what the Norwich boys have been getting up to in the latest chapter of Ian Crook's diary.

A game increasingly beyond satire

A bunch of stuff I've done for The Gaffer recently:

• Football explained: Good touch for a big man
• A round-up of the Masters action
• Gary Mabbutt helps out two more troubled footballers
• The latest gossip from the Inside Man
• Which major European league are you?
• Football fan humiliated after girlfriend has to explain offside law for him

The Gafferski

Vodka jelly shots and Cold War references? It's Russian round-up time ...

A message from our sponsor

The Gaffer has been hard at work over the summer, scouting for the latest haircuts at the World Cup and tidying up his magnetic tactics board for the 2010-11 campaign. It's bound to get messy.

After dipping into the transfer market, with a little help from the Inside Man, and tending to the pastoral side of the game (thanks, as always, to Uncle Gary Mabbutt), he's finally found the time to close the office door and settle down to the latest chapter of 'Too Many Crooks'. After all, there are plenty of lessons to be learned from the Norwich City glory years (many kit-related).

Like a dedicated number two (or three, or four), yours truly was on hand to make notes ...

An emotional rubdown with Gary Mabbutt

Ever felt the pressures of love, life and football getting to much for you? Well, Uncle Gary will always be there (in a way that insulin never was for him) ...

Inside line from the Inside Man

More gossip, of the hot and possibly-manufactured variety.

Gaffer's back

And here's the latest installment of 'Too Many Crooks' ...

All in the best (worst) possible taste

The Gaffer waits for no man, especially not me. But I know his PO Box address, so I could send him these hot scoops anyway. First, a little dip into football in the far east; and then the lurid tales told by The Inside Man (except the Defoe one). Clickety-click...

Now let's look at that again

More hilarity from The Gaffer. Time to re-rewind MOTD...

Rafa lafa

Cheap, and so deliciously easy. Boom boom!

History lesson

Apart from the first entry, another Gardner Gaffer production...

A word on The Gaffer, while we're here; it's still something of a start-up, and we're looking for thoughts and ideas on the content, so feel free to email editor@the-gaffer.com with suggestions. Oh, and just as with all good car chase sequences, traffic's important - so tell you friends, eh.

Football Explained

The beautiful games is full of evocative phrases. "They think it's all over...", "terrible defending" and "megs!" are just a few classic examples. Anyway, here's 'Total football' explained.

Too many Crooks

Ever tried to take on the persona of former Norwich stalwart Ian Crook? Neither had I; but when the Gaffer asks you to do something, you do it, no questions asked...

Run with me on this one

Part me, part someone else: all Gaffer.

Beautiful game mugged by opportunistic credit crunch gag

Read all about it, read all about it! Well, go on then.

Fictional progression

For a long time I considered that making up your story as you went along would constitute the most enjoyable form of journalism. Well, it actually turns out to be not quite as easy as I first though - but still pretty fun.

It's what Ian Rush drinks

Have you heard the one about the football website that behaves like an onion? Well, it's worth a look, not least for this hot and steamy little number from yours truly...